Can you overcome lust by yourself? For that matter, can you overcome any sin by yourself? If you're reading this, there's a good chance you're a Christian, so you know that answer to that is no, you need God's Spirit to overcome any sin. But can you overcome lust just by praying about it or reading your Bible more? I would argue that while it's not impossible, in almost all cases, you need other people's help. James says:
"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."--James 5:16 (ESV)
"Confess your sins to one another." This is something that is so hard to do for many reasons. Sometimes, we're ashamed of our sin and we're afraid others will look down on us if we share. Sometimes, we think we're the only one (in spite of the fact that 1 Corinthians 10:13 clearly tells us we are not.) Sometimes, we just don't want other people's help, as if we get extra brownie points for defeating a sin on our own. But the fact is, if you want to be sharpened, you have to call other people in to the battle:
"Iron sharpens iron,
and one man sharpens another."--Proverbs 27:17 (ESV)
Do you want to be sharpened? Then go find someone else who can sharpen you, and watch as God uses you to sharpen them too.
So let's say that in your heart, you agree with the above. Now, you're thinking, you need to find someone or a group of men to talk to. (Assuming you're a guy, I strongly recommend that the people you talk about this first and foremost are men.) How do you make this happen?
Well, first, you need to make sure you're involved in a fellowship of believers (Hebrews 10:25). If you're not going to church, the first step is to find a church. Or if you're in college, find a Christian fellowship on that college (and note you should also go to church.) And then start befriending the men. Most likely, you'll end up in a small group where you have more frequent contact with the same group of men. If the small group already has an accountability structure, great! Take advantage of it and confess your sin there.
But what if not, or what if sharing something as deep as lust would be frowned upon in that setting? Then you may need to take more initiative. Find a man or two in the group that you really get along with and have lunch with them. Ask them if they're interested in an accountability relationship. And then share your honest struggle with lust. The more specific the things you share, the better. You may be surprised to find they struggle with the same things but never told anyone for the same reasons you have a hard time sharing. Either way, I'm here to tell you that "the prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working." The greatest victories in my life in this area came when I was involved in a small group at a church where the leader first shared his struggles, and then wouldn't stop pushing us until we shared ours.
Yes, the process above can take a while and a lot of courage. Let's say it takes a year to get involved at a church, find a small group, and find some brothers that you can even think of sharing with. It can seem daunting to have to put that much work in up front, but let me ask you this: would you rather be exactly where you are right now in a year? Or would you rather be working toward having other people praying for you and you praying for them, not only working to defeat this sin, but also having deep fellowship in Christ over a common bond? And don't you dare think that you should wait for someone else to take the initiative first. There's nothing in the Bible that says only people who have been appointed into leadership positions should take initiative.
Share your struggle. Do not let Satan fool you into believing you can't. Many brothers in Christ deeply struggle with lust and many never share it, and there is so much victory that can be had if we overcome the temptation to fight on our own. And as you're confessing your sins to one another that you may be healed, may you be reminded of Paul's words:
"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death."--Romans 8:1-2 (ESV)
Amen to that.
"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."--James 5:16 (ESV)
"Confess your sins to one another." This is something that is so hard to do for many reasons. Sometimes, we're ashamed of our sin and we're afraid others will look down on us if we share. Sometimes, we think we're the only one (in spite of the fact that 1 Corinthians 10:13 clearly tells us we are not.) Sometimes, we just don't want other people's help, as if we get extra brownie points for defeating a sin on our own. But the fact is, if you want to be sharpened, you have to call other people in to the battle:
"Iron sharpens iron,
and one man sharpens another."--Proverbs 27:17 (ESV)
Do you want to be sharpened? Then go find someone else who can sharpen you, and watch as God uses you to sharpen them too.
So let's say that in your heart, you agree with the above. Now, you're thinking, you need to find someone or a group of men to talk to. (Assuming you're a guy, I strongly recommend that the people you talk about this first and foremost are men.) How do you make this happen?
Well, first, you need to make sure you're involved in a fellowship of believers (Hebrews 10:25). If you're not going to church, the first step is to find a church. Or if you're in college, find a Christian fellowship on that college (and note you should also go to church.) And then start befriending the men. Most likely, you'll end up in a small group where you have more frequent contact with the same group of men. If the small group already has an accountability structure, great! Take advantage of it and confess your sin there.
But what if not, or what if sharing something as deep as lust would be frowned upon in that setting? Then you may need to take more initiative. Find a man or two in the group that you really get along with and have lunch with them. Ask them if they're interested in an accountability relationship. And then share your honest struggle with lust. The more specific the things you share, the better. You may be surprised to find they struggle with the same things but never told anyone for the same reasons you have a hard time sharing. Either way, I'm here to tell you that "the prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working." The greatest victories in my life in this area came when I was involved in a small group at a church where the leader first shared his struggles, and then wouldn't stop pushing us until we shared ours.
Yes, the process above can take a while and a lot of courage. Let's say it takes a year to get involved at a church, find a small group, and find some brothers that you can even think of sharing with. It can seem daunting to have to put that much work in up front, but let me ask you this: would you rather be exactly where you are right now in a year? Or would you rather be working toward having other people praying for you and you praying for them, not only working to defeat this sin, but also having deep fellowship in Christ over a common bond? And don't you dare think that you should wait for someone else to take the initiative first. There's nothing in the Bible that says only people who have been appointed into leadership positions should take initiative.
Share your struggle. Do not let Satan fool you into believing you can't. Many brothers in Christ deeply struggle with lust and many never share it, and there is so much victory that can be had if we overcome the temptation to fight on our own. And as you're confessing your sins to one another that you may be healed, may you be reminded of Paul's words:
"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death."--Romans 8:1-2 (ESV)
Amen to that.
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